You wouldn't believe what we had to go through to get our hands on the 700059652 by Newfangled Networks. Let's just say it involved a pair of ambiguously amorous FBI agents, their chain-smoking and conspiratorially corrupt superior, and suspicion of extra terrestrial activity. Just our typical day at the office!
You'll be pleased to learn that this item has been Fashioned by the elves of Rivendell, has been imbued with moon beams, and sparkles with the light of a thousand stars. OK - maybe not, but that would be cool - right? It is definitely New, though!
While the technology employed by this item is decidedly advanced, we can confirm that it was not covertly designed by the Cylons as a backdoor into our global defense systems. If you have any other grave concerns about this item, please let us know.
If you need us for anything (Newfangled Networks 700059652 related or otherwise!) we'll be down the hall making sure Jarvis isn't overrun again by an alien uber AI.
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