You wouldn't believe what we had to go through to get our hands on the NM-8B-U by Newfangled Networks. Let's just say it involved a pair of ambiguously amorous FBI agents, their chain-smoking and conspiratorially corrupt superior, and suspicion of extra terrestrial activity. Just our typical day at the office!
You know what we hate? Crummy cop-out endings. You can't lead with smoke monsters, polar bears, and a tropical island capable of time travel and then end with "oh yeah - it was basically all a dream." What a disappointment! That's why we carefully screen all our inventory to ensure *you* end up with the New product happy-ending you were expecting.
While the technology employed by this item is decidedly advanced, we can confirm that it was not covertly designed by the Cylons as a backdoor into our global defense systems. If you have any other grave concerns about this item, please let us know.
We're off to count our inventory of Newfangled Networks NM-8B-U again. You can never be too accurate! Holler if you need us.
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